BEST JOKE YOU GOT...CLEAN.
10-30-2011, 04:08 PM
#186
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,523
Talking Pet Centipede
The Talking Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use as his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted,
"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me?"
This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time!
I'm putting my shoes on!"
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use as his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted,
"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me?"
This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first time!
I'm putting my shoes on!"
11-30-2011, 04:53 PM
#187
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Emmett, Idaho
Posts: 7,334
This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said,
“Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.”
So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color and race, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddy’s are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes
to qualify.
My dogs get their first checks Friday.
Damn, is this a great country or what?
“Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.”
So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color and race, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddy’s are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes
to qualify.
My dogs get their first checks Friday.
Damn, is this a great country or what?
12-03-2011, 04:14 AM
#190
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Augusta, Ga.
Posts: 2,276
Originally Posted by smokingwheels
What's the difference do loop until a = 127
and do loop until 127 = a ?
The Need For Speed....
and do loop until 127 = a ?
The Need For Speed....
http://www.stat.berkeley.edu/classes/s100/sas.pdf