BEST JOKE YOU GOT...CLEAN.
07-12-2010, 09:31 AM
#141
Junior Member
APPRENTICE
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: lincolnton N.C
Posts: 18
Re: from the government.
Originally Posted by doberman
DUE TO RECENT ECONOMIC CONDITIONS, AND THE RISING COST OF ELECTRICITY, GAS AND OIL, THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BEEN TURNED OFF.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.
Ford = Farmers otta ride donkeys
fagot on raw dick
07-16-2010, 10:06 AM
#143
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Augusta, Ga.
Posts: 2,276
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim.
It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible obamanation.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.
Many victims contracted it in 2008 after yelling
"Yes, We Can"
...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years,
are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.
It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured
with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout.
You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012
and simply don't engage in risky behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.
Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey ,
and apparently now Massachusetts, with many more seeing the writing on the wall.
The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim.
It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible obamanation.
The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior.
Many victims contracted it in 2008 after yelling
"Yes, We Can"
...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years,
are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.
It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured
with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout.
You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012
and simply don't engage in risky behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.
Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey ,
and apparently now Massachusetts, with many more seeing the writing on the wall.
07-20-2010, 04:33 PM
#144
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,523
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom,
had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they
could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the
congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every
move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed
a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together
the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold
it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom
is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum
should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The
pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He
said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I
just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom,
had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they
could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the
congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.
"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every
move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed
a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together
the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold
it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom
is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum
should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The
pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He
said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I
just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
08-02-2010, 02:12 PM
#146
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 2,190
Pastor's Donkey
-Subject: Pastor's Donkey
The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race
again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid
of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and
live longer!
Have
a nice day!
The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race
again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline
read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Pastor to get rid
of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a
nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he
ordered the Nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being
concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier
and
live longer!
Have
a nice day!
10-18-2010, 06:29 AM
#148
Senior Member
RACING JUNKIE
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: KIEFER, OK.
Posts: 1,312
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps…He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did… and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. “Now….. show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,” he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. “Now. Tell him you have a headache
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did… and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. “Now….. show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,” he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. “Now. Tell him you have a headache
10-18-2010, 09:31 AM
#149
Senior Member
DYNO OPERATOR
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wi
Posts: 522
Originally Posted by doorracer
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps…He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did… and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. “Now….. show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,” he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. “Now. Tell him you have a headache
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did… and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. “Now….. show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,” he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. “Now. Tell him you have a headache
10-19-2010, 01:18 PM
#150
Senior Member
DYNO OPERATOR
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wi
Posts: 522
Three guys walked into a bar............................................... .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...........................The forth one ducked