I am sorry the pain is not getting better. I know that you said you have tried all the meds, but they can only help so much I guess. I am glad to hear you can go turn wrenches, ride (even a little) & hey... you got grandkids right? I bet the like thier Papa. It sounds like you are comming full circle... look at you now... you are a believer. you are still alive too... when you could have died (probably more than once). Keep doing your thing until you can't, tell the horseman to wait a little longer. Keep wearing that favorite pair of jeans & t-shirt. I can relate to some degree about the 80's anyways. I am younger than you, but I got caught up in drugs, girls, fast cars, etc... that life defined me like it has you. God kept us alive & let go as far as it took to find him. Maybe we had to get all of that out of our system first to look up. I was in alcohaul treatment years ago w/ an old biker like you. He was getting tired, lived some hard & wild days... his name was DJ I think. He was like a guy straight out of "Easy Rider" or something... he told me he would ride with a wild pack in the 70's & they would camp accross the countryside off thier bikes. he said: "I was always be the last to go to sleep". "I would wait until everyone was asleep, pick my victim & tie a rope to thier sleeping bag, tie it off to my chopper, & drag them around the campsite & scare the piss out of them". You remind me of DJ. Anyways, DJ got clean that year & found God. A short time later, his heart gave out on him. I am sure that all of us here would say keep up the good fight & stick around... we like having you here Outlaw. Scoot